I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
