I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
