my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
