thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I believe in your delicious
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
