Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
