You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
