About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
