Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
