And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
