The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
