i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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