The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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