saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
