the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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