you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
