You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
