It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
