if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
