then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
