she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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