I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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