Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
