Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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