I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
