Too much gin, very little bucket
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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