Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
