she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize