Where did you get a picture of my penis
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
