a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
