The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize