I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
