I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
