I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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