So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
