I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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