I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize