I just saw a hot homeless man
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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