You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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