There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
