I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I want you more than these girls want KFC
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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