I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
