There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
