You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
