Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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