# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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