The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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