Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
sarcasm needs its own font
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
