Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
