it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
