I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize