This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
