she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
