I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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