dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
