i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
