Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
