Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
