Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize