Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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