hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
