He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
