put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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